I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
