I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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