you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She bit a glass in half.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
