For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
