omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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