Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
