No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
