I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
