singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
