Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize