I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
