he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize