We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
