i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
