before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
