HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
