i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
