Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
