You really coming over, don't trick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
