I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
