So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize