Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
