Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize