Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
