i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So squirting runs in the family.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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