idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
