I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
