Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
