So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize