i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
