see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
