Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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