A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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