So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
