I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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