Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
