I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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