my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
