I think my fart just growled at me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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