I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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