we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
