Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
