im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
