yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
