I'd wear matching sweaters with you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
