you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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