i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
