im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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