I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
