I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize