Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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