I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
