Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
