census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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