There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
