there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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