i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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