I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
