I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
