and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
