what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize