Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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