I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
