i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
