Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
