She's JV to your varsity
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
