I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
