Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
