I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
