so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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