She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
