Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
