He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
