do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
