Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize