Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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