You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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