me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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