Define "chronic" masturbator.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
