well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
