i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She even gives head with a lisp.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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