the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize