I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
