Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
