I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
