If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
