there's paper in my vomit.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
