you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize