I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
