I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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