i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
