It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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