Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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