And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
