Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
